1 00:00:07,807 --> 00:00:10,776 So, based on the story of Moses, 2 00:00:10,811 --> 00:00:14,313 how many of the Ten Commandments did my ex-husband Bill break? 3 00:00:14,348 --> 00:00:17,883 If I am to understand "covet" correctly, five. 4 00:00:17,918 --> 00:00:21,020 Her spray tan was on my sheets. 5 00:00:22,890 --> 00:00:24,823 [whimpers] Just watch a video. 6 00:00:28,362 --> 00:00:30,696 Itchy and Scratchy in Sunday school? 7 00:00:30,731 --> 00:00:32,331 It's a miracle. 8 00:00:32,366 --> 00:00:33,899 [all cheering] 9 00:00:33,934 --> 00:00:35,834 [Bart] Chest bump! 10 00:00:36,937 --> 00:00:39,171 [God] Abraham, take your son Isaac 11 00:00:39,206 --> 00:00:40,873 to the land of Moriah 12 00:00:40,908 --> 00:00:43,909 and make him a sacrifice unto me. 13 00:00:45,713 --> 00:00:47,246 Stab the baby in the face. 14 00:00:47,281 --> 00:00:50,182 [God] Halt! You have proven you love God. 15 00:00:50,217 --> 00:00:53,085 I bless you and will multiply your seed 16 00:00:53,120 --> 00:00:55,854 like the stars of heaven. 17 00:00:55,890 --> 00:00:59,158 ? Smite, smite, smite, then they're saved ? 18 00:00:59,193 --> 00:01:03,095 ? God is the king of kings! ? 19 00:01:03,130 --> 00:01:04,363 [Bart] Hmm? 20 00:01:04,398 --> 00:01:06,598 What is this "nice" crap? 21 00:01:06,634 --> 00:01:08,700 I want to see tummy ketchup. 22 00:01:08,736 --> 00:01:11,437 Why the hell are Itchy and Scratchy shilling for God? 23 00:01:11,472 --> 00:01:14,606 Why the hell are Itchy and Scratchy shilling for God?! 24 00:01:14,642 --> 00:01:16,442 I'd never approve that. 25 00:01:16,477 --> 00:01:20,245 How can they use my cartoons without my permission? 26 00:01:20,281 --> 00:01:22,648 Because Itchy and Scratchy is so old 27 00:01:22,683 --> 00:01:24,450 that the copyright has expired. 28 00:01:24,485 --> 00:01:26,085 Now they're in the public domain. 29 00:01:26,120 --> 00:01:29,221 Anyone can use their image or likeness for free. 30 00:01:29,256 --> 00:01:32,057 Free don't burn holes in my septum. 31 00:01:32,093 --> 00:01:34,026 Well, it's not just your characters. 32 00:01:34,061 --> 00:01:36,528 The same thing has happened to such beloved properties 33 00:01:36,564 --> 00:01:39,298 -as Babar the Elephant... -What? 34 00:01:39,333 --> 00:01:41,934 -...Popeye... -Oh, no. 35 00:01:41,969 --> 00:01:44,136 -...even Winnie-the-Pooh. -Oh, not Pooh. 36 00:01:44,171 --> 00:01:46,305 This is a financial calamity. 37 00:01:46,340 --> 00:01:49,241 Oh, I'm kind of into that lady kangaroo, though. 38 00:01:49,276 --> 00:01:51,410 They're stealing my money! 39 00:01:51,445 --> 00:01:54,813 Oh, there's something about a skinny kangaroo. 40 00:01:54,849 --> 00:01:56,415 Well, if you don't want the rest of your show 41 00:01:56,450 --> 00:01:57,950 to go into the public domain, 42 00:01:57,985 --> 00:02:00,018 you have to modify your IP. 43 00:02:00,054 --> 00:02:02,821 Put an original spin on your existing characters. 44 00:02:02,857 --> 00:02:04,623 Original, huh? 45 00:02:04,658 --> 00:02:07,626 I'll do what Warner Brothers, Disney and the Muppets did 46 00:02:07,661 --> 00:02:09,828 when they needed new and original. 47 00:02:09,864 --> 00:02:11,563 ? ? 48 00:02:11,599 --> 00:02:13,065 Okay, Baby Krusty, 49 00:02:13,100 --> 00:02:15,167 you hit Baby Mel with the pie, 50 00:02:15,202 --> 00:02:18,003 juggle a chainsaw, a bowling ball and Baby Teeny, 51 00:02:18,038 --> 00:02:21,273 then give me a big Jack Benny take to camera three. 52 00:02:21,308 --> 00:02:22,808 And action. 53 00:02:22,843 --> 00:02:25,210 [chimp hooting softly] 54 00:02:25,246 --> 00:02:26,845 Cut! 55 00:02:26,881 --> 00:02:28,280 You call that comedy? 56 00:02:28,315 --> 00:02:29,781 Do you see me laughing? 57 00:02:29,817 --> 00:02:31,383 Do you see anyone laughing? 58 00:02:31,418 --> 00:02:33,952 -Well, do you?! -[crying] 59 00:02:33,988 --> 00:02:35,754 Why didn't somebody warn me 60 00:02:35,789 --> 00:02:38,724 never to work with babies or animals? 61 00:02:39,793 --> 00:02:41,193 [groans] 62 00:02:41,228 --> 00:02:43,862 You're fired. Plant a blind item in the press 63 00:02:43,898 --> 00:02:47,599 saying he got fresh with the craft services lady. 64 00:02:47,635 --> 00:02:50,169 You, headphones, take this no-talent back 65 00:02:50,204 --> 00:02:53,338 to the jungle or wherever it came from. 66 00:02:53,374 --> 00:02:55,073 Don't worry, little fella. 67 00:02:55,109 --> 00:02:56,875 I'll find you the perfect home. 68 00:02:59,380 --> 00:03:01,647 Oh, my God. Are you seeing this? 69 00:03:01,682 --> 00:03:05,417 Someone left a baby chimp in one of those little book houses. 70 00:03:05,452 --> 00:03:06,718 [whimpering] 71 00:03:06,754 --> 00:03:09,855 [gasps] He's so cute. 72 00:03:09,890 --> 00:03:11,890 Look at his little tiny finger pads. 73 00:03:11,926 --> 00:03:14,226 -Where'd he come from? -Who cares? 74 00:03:14,261 --> 00:03:15,727 If he's in here, he's up for grabs. 75 00:03:15,763 --> 00:03:18,564 You and I could actually have a baby chimp. 76 00:03:18,599 --> 00:03:20,832 We could turn the upstairs into a monkey playground. 77 00:03:20,868 --> 00:03:22,901 We can grow Tarzan vines for him. 78 00:03:22,937 --> 00:03:24,736 How long do Tarzan vines take to grow? 79 00:03:24,772 --> 00:03:26,505 [Bart] I don't know. We'll pay a guy. 80 00:03:26,540 --> 00:03:29,041 We can turn Maggie's stroller into a monkey mobile. 81 00:03:29,076 --> 00:03:31,176 And put bananas in the cup holder. 82 00:03:31,212 --> 00:03:33,011 This just feels so right. 83 00:03:33,047 --> 00:03:34,346 This is our moment. 84 00:03:34,381 --> 00:03:35,547 Open the door. 85 00:03:35,583 --> 00:03:37,015 I'm opening the door. 86 00:03:38,586 --> 00:03:40,352 Oh, he nuzzled me! 87 00:03:40,387 --> 00:03:41,820 He fist-bumped me. 88 00:03:41,855 --> 00:03:44,022 -We've got a monkey. -We've got a monkey. 89 00:03:44,058 --> 00:03:46,058 [both] We've got a monkey! 90 00:03:47,228 --> 00:03:48,727 Hmm. 91 00:03:50,264 --> 00:03:51,363 [chitters] 92 00:03:55,485 --> 00:03:58,120 And we could replace my bed with monkey bars. 93 00:03:58,155 --> 00:03:59,588 My mind is sweaty with ideas 94 00:03:59,623 --> 00:04:01,523 for chimp Christmas cards. 95 00:04:01,558 --> 00:04:03,859 Mom, Dad, the most amazing thing just happened. 96 00:04:03,894 --> 00:04:06,528 We found a tiny chimp in a tiny house. 97 00:04:06,563 --> 00:04:08,163 Isn't that so lucky? 98 00:04:08,198 --> 00:04:11,033 It's the luckiest thing that ever happened. 99 00:04:11,068 --> 00:04:12,501 A chimpanzo? 100 00:04:12,536 --> 00:04:15,270 Kids, you've got to find that animal's owner. 101 00:04:15,306 --> 00:04:17,005 We did find its owner-- us. 102 00:04:17,041 --> 00:04:19,574 He was abandoned, and we rescued him. 103 00:04:19,610 --> 00:04:23,111 We named him Mr. Goodboy because he's such a good boy. 104 00:04:23,147 --> 00:04:25,547 He is. Such a great name, Lis. 105 00:04:25,582 --> 00:04:27,816 [both] Mr. Goodboy. Mr. Goodboy. 106 00:04:27,851 --> 00:04:30,152 Mr. Goodboy. Mr. Goodboy. 107 00:04:30,187 --> 00:04:32,621 We can't keep a monkey in the house. 108 00:04:32,656 --> 00:04:34,323 That's got to be the kind of lesson 109 00:04:34,358 --> 00:04:36,258 our family has learned at some point. 110 00:04:36,293 --> 00:04:38,026 Oh, I know. 111 00:04:38,062 --> 00:04:40,762 A pet chimp is the worst idea in the world. 112 00:04:40,798 --> 00:04:42,898 But look. It's the first time 113 00:04:42,933 --> 00:04:45,067 I've ever seen them yelling with each other, 114 00:04:45,102 --> 00:04:47,135 not at each other. 115 00:04:47,171 --> 00:04:48,570 -[yowling] -Aw, check it out. 116 00:04:48,605 --> 00:04:50,605 The cat loves Mr. Goodboy. 117 00:04:50,641 --> 00:04:53,275 They could get married. 118 00:04:53,310 --> 00:04:55,077 Just give it time. 119 00:04:55,112 --> 00:04:57,179 This will fall apart before we know it. 120 00:04:57,214 --> 00:04:59,948 One diaper change for Bart, and he's out. 121 00:04:59,984 --> 00:05:04,286 The first monkey tick that Lisa finds in her bed, end of story. 122 00:05:04,321 --> 00:05:07,222 So we just sit back, let the situation implode, 123 00:05:07,257 --> 00:05:08,724 and the kids think it's their fault 124 00:05:08,759 --> 00:05:10,459 we're sending the monkey back to Iceland 125 00:05:10,494 --> 00:05:12,094 or wherever it came from. 126 00:05:12,129 --> 00:05:14,062 Chimp-mate. 127 00:05:15,499 --> 00:05:16,999 The rumors are true: 128 00:05:17,034 --> 00:05:19,134 The sloppy joe is made... 129 00:05:19,169 --> 00:05:20,635 from monkey meat. 130 00:05:20,671 --> 00:05:22,471 [all screaming] 131 00:05:22,506 --> 00:05:23,872 [hooting] 132 00:05:23,907 --> 00:05:25,140 [screeches] 133 00:05:25,175 --> 00:05:26,541 [whimpering] 134 00:05:26,577 --> 00:05:28,643 Mr. Goodboy, are you okay? 135 00:05:28,679 --> 00:05:30,645 [coughing] 136 00:05:32,750 --> 00:05:36,651 Stupid kids. You got to pluck the fur off before you flour it. 137 00:05:36,687 --> 00:05:39,988 Oh, why did I use you as an expendable prank prop, 138 00:05:40,024 --> 00:05:41,857 like some sort of Milhouse? 139 00:05:41,892 --> 00:05:44,659 From here on out, I promise I'll do everything I can 140 00:05:44,695 --> 00:05:46,628 to keep you out of danger. 141 00:05:49,333 --> 00:05:51,199 I want to make sure you're hitting your social 142 00:05:51,235 --> 00:05:53,668 and emotional milestones, 143 00:05:53,704 --> 00:05:57,305 so let's check out Mom's parenting books. 144 00:05:57,341 --> 00:05:59,007 Ugh. That didn't work. 145 00:05:59,043 --> 00:06:00,642 That couldn't work. 146 00:06:00,677 --> 00:06:03,111 That led to Bart smoking a pipe. 147 00:06:05,082 --> 00:06:06,548 Free Range Parenting. 148 00:06:06,583 --> 00:06:08,717 They never even unwrapped this one. 149 00:06:08,752 --> 00:06:10,719 Let me see. "Give a child space 150 00:06:10,754 --> 00:06:12,187 "to make their own mistakes, 151 00:06:12,222 --> 00:06:14,623 and they'll grow up with less anxiety." 152 00:06:14,658 --> 00:06:16,858 I have so much anxiety, 153 00:06:16,894 --> 00:06:19,661 mainly that I've been raised wrong. 154 00:06:21,932 --> 00:06:24,466 Mr. Goodboy, I'm going to give you free range 155 00:06:24,501 --> 00:06:26,535 to learn from your own mistakes. 156 00:06:27,871 --> 00:06:30,439 And now you've learned how money tastes. 157 00:06:30,474 --> 00:06:32,074 [chuckles] 158 00:06:33,544 --> 00:06:36,611 Are we sure this bubble bath is safe for him? 159 00:06:36,647 --> 00:06:38,747 You're such a worrywart all of a sudden. 160 00:06:38,782 --> 00:06:42,117 Look, the label says it's tested on monkeys. 161 00:06:43,787 --> 00:06:45,887 Oh, this is a nightmare. 162 00:06:45,923 --> 00:06:48,523 Our kids have become responsible. 163 00:06:48,559 --> 00:06:51,760 Oh, we'd better figure out how to take care of a chimp. 164 00:06:51,795 --> 00:06:53,261 I'll get us a book. 165 00:06:53,297 --> 00:06:55,964 A book? Oh, my eyes get so tired 166 00:06:55,999 --> 00:07:00,368 going right, right, right, then-- [sighs]-- left. 167 00:07:00,404 --> 00:07:01,937 How about an audiobook? 168 00:07:01,972 --> 00:07:04,206 My drive time belongs to Moe's podcast. 169 00:07:04,241 --> 00:07:06,074 He commits crimes, then solves them 170 00:07:06,110 --> 00:07:07,642 with the help of the Internet. 171 00:07:07,678 --> 00:07:10,245 Okay, then we'll watch a documentary. 172 00:07:10,280 --> 00:07:12,247 Shark Week, but chimp week? 173 00:07:12,282 --> 00:07:14,583 Fine, a YouTube video. 174 00:07:14,618 --> 00:07:17,285 Yes! Come get me after the ad. 175 00:07:17,321 --> 00:07:19,855 [narrator] Baby chimps are undeniably cute, 176 00:07:19,890 --> 00:07:21,356 highly intelligent 177 00:07:21,391 --> 00:07:23,191 and bond with humans quite easily. 178 00:07:23,227 --> 00:07:26,128 It's no wonder people are tempted to adopt them. 179 00:07:26,163 --> 00:07:28,230 -[bell dings] -Oh, that's the laundry. 180 00:07:28,265 --> 00:07:29,798 You keep watching. 181 00:07:29,833 --> 00:07:31,900 -[sinister music playing] -[narrator] However, 182 00:07:31,935 --> 00:07:34,870 as chimps mature, they can become violent 183 00:07:34,905 --> 00:07:36,304 -and dangerous. -[snarls] 184 00:07:36,340 --> 00:07:37,305 [whimpers] 185 00:07:37,341 --> 00:07:39,174 Adult chimps have a pull force 186 00:07:39,209 --> 00:07:41,476 ten times stronger than a man's 187 00:07:41,512 --> 00:07:44,079 and huge canines that turn their bite 188 00:07:44,114 --> 00:07:46,081 into a devastating weapon. 189 00:07:46,116 --> 00:07:47,716 -[whimpering] -Luckily, 190 00:07:47,751 --> 00:07:49,251 chimps only attack when provoked. 191 00:07:49,286 --> 00:07:50,752 [sighs] 192 00:07:50,787 --> 00:07:54,089 Except for the chimps who live with humans. 193 00:07:54,124 --> 00:07:55,690 -[shrieks] -The mature chimp 194 00:07:55,726 --> 00:07:58,093 perceives his human caretaker as a threat 195 00:07:58,128 --> 00:08:01,329 and unmasks him by tearing off his face. 196 00:08:01,365 --> 00:08:04,866 -[shrieks] -Or biting off a man's genitals. 197 00:08:04,902 --> 00:08:06,835 [suppressed retching] 198 00:08:08,138 --> 00:08:10,105 -[screams] -Nothing provokes 199 00:08:10,140 --> 00:08:11,673 a chimp's bloodlust more 200 00:08:11,708 --> 00:08:14,743 than a male human he perceives as a rival. 201 00:08:17,981 --> 00:08:21,349 [laughs] No. No, no, no, no, Mr. Goodboy. 202 00:08:21,385 --> 00:08:23,185 That's my wedding ring. 203 00:08:23,220 --> 00:08:26,154 You can't marry me, because I'm married to Homer, 204 00:08:26,190 --> 00:08:29,357 the biggest, strongest male in the house. 205 00:08:29,393 --> 00:08:30,992 [Homer whimpering] 206 00:08:31,028 --> 00:08:34,963 There he is now-- the banana winner of the family. 207 00:08:34,998 --> 00:08:38,667 You're a primate, but he's my prime mate. 208 00:08:38,702 --> 00:08:41,369 -[hooting] -[Homer whimpering] 209 00:08:42,739 --> 00:08:44,072 [Bart] Okay, 210 00:08:44,107 --> 00:08:46,241 this kitchen is officially chimp-proof. 211 00:08:46,276 --> 00:08:47,876 -[clattering, Mr. Goodboy yelps] -Oh, no. 212 00:08:47,911 --> 00:08:49,377 Mr. Goodboy. 213 00:08:49,413 --> 00:08:51,513 -[whimpering] -[running footsteps] 214 00:08:51,548 --> 00:08:53,648 -What happened? -It's okay. 215 00:08:53,684 --> 00:08:56,151 It was just one little monkey jumping on the bed. 216 00:08:56,186 --> 00:08:58,053 He fell down and bumped his head. 217 00:08:58,088 --> 00:08:59,988 Well, I called the doctor, and the doctor said, 218 00:09:00,023 --> 00:09:01,823 "No more monkeys jumping on the bed." 219 00:09:01,858 --> 00:09:04,559 He's fine. He jumped and got a little boo-boo. 220 00:09:04,595 --> 00:09:06,361 It's barely an owie. 221 00:09:06,396 --> 00:09:07,862 This book taught me: 222 00:09:07,898 --> 00:09:10,232 "Don't hover, let them discover." 223 00:09:10,267 --> 00:09:13,335 You should love that. You're the bad-boy risk-taker. 224 00:09:13,370 --> 00:09:15,103 Yes, and it's a miracle I'm alive. 225 00:09:15,138 --> 00:09:16,605 Just look at my knees. 226 00:09:18,208 --> 00:09:19,841 -Ew! -Right? 227 00:09:19,876 --> 00:09:21,843 We have to be super careful. 228 00:09:21,878 --> 00:09:25,313 Well, this says kids need to overcome their own obstacles, 229 00:09:25,349 --> 00:09:29,251 and his biggest obstacle is your parental smothering! 230 00:09:29,286 --> 00:09:30,986 It's our job to protect him 231 00:09:31,021 --> 00:09:33,588 from cuts and burns and adult situations. 232 00:09:33,624 --> 00:09:37,759 It's our job to let him fall so he can learn to get back up! 233 00:09:37,794 --> 00:09:40,762 We can't fight in front of the little guy. 234 00:09:40,797 --> 00:09:43,398 Everything's perfect. We're happy family. 235 00:09:43,433 --> 00:09:45,734 [both] We love you, Mr. Goodboy. 236 00:09:45,769 --> 00:09:48,270 [Lisa and Bart grunting] 237 00:09:49,406 --> 00:09:52,574 Marge, hypothetically, if I were to lose either my face 238 00:09:52,609 --> 00:09:54,909 or my snuggle factory, which would you keep? 239 00:09:54,945 --> 00:09:57,178 -Snuggle factory. -What? 240 00:09:57,214 --> 00:09:59,614 Well, when we're snuggling, I could try 241 00:09:59,650 --> 00:10:01,716 to imagine another person's face, 242 00:10:01,752 --> 00:10:03,251 for the first time ever. 243 00:10:03,287 --> 00:10:05,920 -Whose face would you imagine? -Seth Meyers. 244 00:10:05,956 --> 00:10:08,256 Whoa. You sure had that ready to go. 245 00:10:08,292 --> 00:10:11,793 [sighs] He just seems like he never has to shave. 246 00:10:11,828 --> 00:10:13,728 Oh, come on. Who would yours be? 247 00:10:13,764 --> 00:10:16,131 Martha Stewart. She'd make me a great meal, 248 00:10:16,166 --> 00:10:18,300 then boss me around a little. 249 00:10:18,335 --> 00:10:20,235 ? ? 250 00:10:44,194 --> 00:10:46,127 ? ? 251 00:10:59,443 --> 00:11:01,376 [grunting] 252 00:11:03,880 --> 00:11:05,814 [yawning] 253 00:11:05,849 --> 00:11:06,948 [screams] 254 00:11:09,453 --> 00:11:11,319 ? ? 255 00:11:19,229 --> 00:11:23,798 No! It was a monkey surgeon! 256 00:11:23,834 --> 00:11:25,767 [chimps laughing maniacally] 257 00:11:33,510 --> 00:11:35,844 What in the world are you browsing? 258 00:11:35,879 --> 00:11:38,179 [Homer] Hockey masks and codpieces. 259 00:11:38,215 --> 00:11:40,482 I've got to protect our most valuable possessions 260 00:11:40,517 --> 00:11:42,250 from ferocious chimp rage: 261 00:11:42,285 --> 00:11:45,086 my Homer face and my trouser fruit. 262 00:11:45,122 --> 00:11:47,756 That's ridiculous. He's just a baby. 263 00:11:47,791 --> 00:11:50,658 Honey, every scrotum-shredding chimp starts out 264 00:11:50,694 --> 00:11:53,094 as an adorable baby until one day they snap. 265 00:11:53,130 --> 00:11:55,397 Just think, if worse comes to worst, 266 00:11:55,432 --> 00:11:58,266 how would I write my name in the snow? 267 00:11:58,301 --> 00:11:59,801 [Lisa] You're coddling him! 268 00:11:59,836 --> 00:12:01,536 [Bart] You're giving him bad habits! 269 00:12:01,571 --> 00:12:03,705 What's all this fighting? 270 00:12:03,740 --> 00:12:06,775 Stupid Lisa gave Mr. Goodboy a pacifier. 271 00:12:06,810 --> 00:12:08,643 He just grabbed one of Maggie's. 272 00:12:08,678 --> 00:12:10,879 Yeah, and she's a junkie on the pipe. 273 00:12:10,914 --> 00:12:12,480 [Maggie whimpering] 274 00:12:12,516 --> 00:12:14,516 The only thing that's traumatizing him 275 00:12:14,551 --> 00:12:16,084 is all this yelling! 276 00:12:16,119 --> 00:12:18,686 Was there ever a time when this worked? 277 00:12:18,722 --> 00:12:20,088 Kids, it sounds like 278 00:12:20,123 --> 00:12:23,525 you're finding parenting is a lot of responsibility. 279 00:12:23,560 --> 00:12:26,327 It does put a real strain on relationships. 280 00:12:26,363 --> 00:12:28,396 When's the last time you two just went out 281 00:12:28,432 --> 00:12:30,365 and saw a movie together? 282 00:12:31,601 --> 00:12:33,368 It's hard to admit, but maybe 283 00:12:33,403 --> 00:12:35,203 we are in over our heads. 284 00:12:35,238 --> 00:12:36,404 You're right. 285 00:12:36,440 --> 00:12:37,739 We need professional help. 286 00:12:37,774 --> 00:12:39,140 [Lisa] Definitely. 287 00:12:39,176 --> 00:12:40,775 They're going to therapy? 288 00:12:40,811 --> 00:12:42,644 What if they work things out? 289 00:12:42,679 --> 00:12:45,447 Has it ever worked for us? 290 00:12:45,482 --> 00:12:47,949 How could it work? You spent the whole last session 291 00:12:47,984 --> 00:12:50,285 picking apart my Airbnb choices. 292 00:12:50,320 --> 00:12:54,923 Read one review before you book! I beg you! 293 00:13:01,698 --> 00:13:03,431 Great. You have fun with that 294 00:13:03,467 --> 00:13:05,767 while Lisa and I get some professional advice. 295 00:13:06,870 --> 00:13:09,671 -Nelson? -Where's Ms. Story? 296 00:13:09,706 --> 00:13:11,606 Like art class, the music program, 297 00:13:11,641 --> 00:13:14,776 and Milhouse on his way to lunch, she got defunded. 298 00:13:14,811 --> 00:13:17,545 However, I've had lots of these sessions, 299 00:13:17,581 --> 00:13:19,948 so I decided to switch sides. 300 00:13:19,983 --> 00:13:21,716 What are you struggling with? 301 00:13:23,353 --> 00:13:25,220 We're co-parenting a baby chimp. 302 00:13:25,255 --> 00:13:27,555 I'm trying to expand his horizons, 303 00:13:27,591 --> 00:13:29,290 and Bart is trying to stifle them. 304 00:13:29,326 --> 00:13:31,793 How does that statement make you feel, Bart? 305 00:13:31,828 --> 00:13:33,361 Annoyed, I guess. 306 00:13:33,396 --> 00:13:34,529 Mm-hmm. 307 00:13:34,564 --> 00:13:36,064 How does this make you feel? 308 00:13:36,099 --> 00:13:37,398 -[grunts] -Ow! 309 00:13:37,434 --> 00:13:39,267 Interesting. 310 00:13:39,302 --> 00:13:41,970 Look, you two were raised in a troubled home. 311 00:13:42,005 --> 00:13:43,471 Can we agree on that? 312 00:13:43,507 --> 00:13:44,973 -Yes. -It's true. 313 00:13:45,008 --> 00:13:48,276 Plus, it's not natural for a kid to have two parents. 314 00:13:48,311 --> 00:13:50,578 How about we un-purple the nurple for a second 315 00:13:50,614 --> 00:13:52,514 and wedgie up this relationship? 316 00:13:52,549 --> 00:13:56,885 What I'm hearing is that both of you love this monkey so much. 317 00:13:56,920 --> 00:13:59,687 I love that you love Mr. Goodboy. 318 00:13:59,723 --> 00:14:01,556 I love that you love him, too. 319 00:14:01,591 --> 00:14:03,157 Well, I'm afraid that's our time, 320 00:14:03,193 --> 00:14:05,560 because I'm so bored with your stupid problem. 321 00:14:05,595 --> 00:14:08,396 It's gonna take some work, but I think we can do this. 322 00:14:08,431 --> 00:14:10,431 It's a process, but in the end, 323 00:14:10,467 --> 00:14:12,100 we're going to be better parents. 324 00:14:13,203 --> 00:14:14,369 Where's Mr. Goodboy? 325 00:14:14,404 --> 00:14:16,337 [Bart] Oh, no. He's gone! 326 00:14:16,373 --> 00:14:18,306 ? ? 327 00:14:20,544 --> 00:14:21,843 [camera clicks] 328 00:14:21,878 --> 00:14:23,578 I'm trying to buy a car. 329 00:14:23,613 --> 00:14:24,612 [camera clicks] 330 00:14:25,715 --> 00:14:26,981 [hisses] 331 00:14:28,084 --> 00:14:30,184 [hooting] 332 00:14:32,055 --> 00:14:33,187 Ach. 333 00:14:33,223 --> 00:14:36,858 Oh, my God, we lost Mr. Goodboy. 334 00:14:36,893 --> 00:14:38,893 [both] This was your fault! 335 00:14:41,797 --> 00:14:44,365 Mr. Goodboy ran away from school, and we can't find him! 336 00:14:44,401 --> 00:14:45,633 Me and my stupid 337 00:14:45,669 --> 00:14:46,935 free-range parenting. 338 00:14:46,970 --> 00:14:48,770 I should have put a tracker on his collar. 339 00:14:48,805 --> 00:14:51,272 Wait, wait. I did put a tracker on him. 340 00:14:51,308 --> 00:14:53,942 -Why didn't you tell me that? -I just remembered. 341 00:14:53,977 --> 00:14:56,210 I'm new to being an annoying control freak like you. 342 00:14:56,246 --> 00:14:58,713 God, you must be exhausted all the time. 343 00:14:58,748 --> 00:15:00,615 I am. 344 00:15:05,021 --> 00:15:06,721 [Lisa] There's Mr. Goodboy. 345 00:15:06,756 --> 00:15:08,623 He's inside some sort of compound. 346 00:15:08,658 --> 00:15:11,326 "Freedom Chimps: A Libertarian Backyard Safari 347 00:15:11,361 --> 00:15:13,261 and Doomsday Shooting Range." 348 00:15:13,296 --> 00:15:15,163 What the hell is that? 349 00:15:16,266 --> 00:15:19,434 We are fighting for freedom... of wild animals. 350 00:15:19,469 --> 00:15:21,669 And they choose to use that freedom 351 00:15:21,705 --> 00:15:23,538 to take selfies with you. 352 00:15:23,573 --> 00:15:25,740 Come, interact with chimps, lions, 353 00:15:25,775 --> 00:15:27,675 and a dolphin in a bathtub. 354 00:15:27,711 --> 00:15:30,178 And unlike government zoos, 355 00:15:30,213 --> 00:15:31,779 you're free to stick your fingers 356 00:15:31,815 --> 00:15:33,514 in any of our cages. 357 00:15:33,550 --> 00:15:35,883 Stick 'em all the way in. 358 00:15:35,919 --> 00:15:39,053 It's a zoo that exploits animals for profit! 359 00:15:39,089 --> 00:15:40,888 -So... a zoo. -[gasps] 360 00:15:40,924 --> 00:15:43,124 Mr. Goodboy's already on their site. 361 00:15:43,159 --> 00:15:44,759 [Bart] But how did they chimp-nap him? 362 00:15:46,630 --> 00:15:49,063 We got a call about a wild baby chimp 363 00:15:49,099 --> 00:15:51,399 roaming around this school. 364 00:15:51,434 --> 00:15:53,768 Clark's gonna rescue him using the latest 365 00:15:53,803 --> 00:15:56,704 in animal recovery technology. 366 00:15:56,740 --> 00:15:58,306 -[grunts] -[Mr. Goodboy gasps] 367 00:15:58,341 --> 00:16:00,274 [Mr. Goodboy hooting] 368 00:16:01,344 --> 00:16:02,744 We got to get him back! 369 00:16:02,779 --> 00:16:05,647 But I just put a frozen chicken potpie in the oven. 370 00:16:05,682 --> 00:16:06,814 Microwave it. 371 00:16:06,850 --> 00:16:08,383 Soggy crust? 372 00:16:08,418 --> 00:16:10,818 I'd rather eat it frozen. 373 00:16:16,026 --> 00:16:17,759 Oh, I can't stop thinking 374 00:16:17,794 --> 00:16:20,728 about Mr. Goodboy in that terrible place. 375 00:16:20,764 --> 00:16:22,230 Every moment he's locked up is like 376 00:16:22,265 --> 00:16:24,699 my stomach's being noogied from the inside. 377 00:16:24,734 --> 00:16:26,601 Oh, sweeties, 378 00:16:26,636 --> 00:16:29,437 usually, people don't learn this until they're a parent. 379 00:16:29,472 --> 00:16:33,641 Every time your child suffers, you feel the pain. 380 00:16:33,677 --> 00:16:35,276 Just like voodoo dolls. 381 00:16:35,311 --> 00:16:37,111 And it's harder for you two. 382 00:16:37,147 --> 00:16:40,148 Unlike normal parents, you chose to have this kid. 383 00:16:40,183 --> 00:16:41,716 Bart, you were right. 384 00:16:41,751 --> 00:16:43,951 I should have been more protective of Mr. Goodboy. 385 00:16:43,987 --> 00:16:45,753 That's why we lost him. 386 00:16:45,789 --> 00:16:48,389 No, he ran away because I was too overbearing. 387 00:16:48,425 --> 00:16:50,625 I wouldn't let him watch Seinfeld. 388 00:16:50,660 --> 00:16:53,127 Jerry eats too much sugar cereal. 389 00:16:54,197 --> 00:16:55,830 We couldn't help it. 390 00:16:55,865 --> 00:16:57,398 We didn't know what we were doing. 391 00:16:57,434 --> 00:16:58,900 Well, the real problem is 392 00:16:58,935 --> 00:17:01,836 we have no model for good parenting. 393 00:17:01,871 --> 00:17:04,939 Well, I guess that last Mother's Day card was all a lie. 394 00:17:07,277 --> 00:17:09,077 Who are all these people? 395 00:17:09,112 --> 00:17:11,345 -PETA activists? -[Lisa] No. 396 00:17:11,381 --> 00:17:13,848 Competing documentarians. 397 00:17:13,883 --> 00:17:16,684 Out of my way. I directed the third Fyre Festival doc! 398 00:17:16,720 --> 00:17:18,786 I directed the second Theranos. 399 00:17:18,822 --> 00:17:22,123 Hey, hey, Sam Bankman-Fried polycule doc coming through. 400 00:17:23,226 --> 00:17:24,625 [screeching and hooting nearby] 401 00:17:24,661 --> 00:17:26,961 Oh, that sounds like Mr. Goodboy. 402 00:17:30,867 --> 00:17:34,001 Oh, man. That's a lot of groin grabbers. 403 00:17:34,037 --> 00:17:36,237 Mr. Goodboy. 404 00:17:36,272 --> 00:17:38,673 Don't worry, baby, we'll get you out. 405 00:17:38,708 --> 00:17:41,008 [panicked chattering] 406 00:17:41,044 --> 00:17:43,444 Oh, no. That's his "I miss my home" ook. 407 00:17:44,848 --> 00:17:46,414 Mr. Goodboy, here's the key. 408 00:17:46,449 --> 00:17:48,449 Unlock the door. 409 00:17:52,622 --> 00:17:54,355 [gulps] 410 00:17:54,390 --> 00:17:56,090 Don't worry. That'll come out later, 411 00:17:56,126 --> 00:17:57,825 just like Mom's lip balm did. 412 00:17:58,928 --> 00:18:00,161 [groans] 413 00:18:00,196 --> 00:18:03,698 [chattering and hooting] 414 00:18:03,733 --> 00:18:05,600 [shrieks] These aren't babies. 415 00:18:05,635 --> 00:18:07,135 They're three-year-olds. 416 00:18:07,170 --> 00:18:10,104 [Bart and Lisa whimpering] 417 00:18:11,908 --> 00:18:14,242 Marge, I need you to tell me the combination 418 00:18:14,277 --> 00:18:16,043 to my codpiece lock. 419 00:18:16,079 --> 00:18:17,945 It's in my password manager app. 420 00:18:17,981 --> 00:18:19,614 Just give him the damn cod-com code. 421 00:18:19,649 --> 00:18:21,449 It's making me do a captcha. 422 00:18:21,484 --> 00:18:23,751 Is a "don't walk" sign a traffic light? 423 00:18:23,787 --> 00:18:25,953 Yes, foot traffic is traffic! 424 00:18:25,989 --> 00:18:28,089 The code's one-one-one-one. 425 00:18:33,897 --> 00:18:35,129 Hey, monkeys, 426 00:18:35,165 --> 00:18:37,632 chomp on these alpha bits. 427 00:18:37,667 --> 00:18:39,267 [excited hooting and chattering] 428 00:18:39,302 --> 00:18:41,602 Here it is! Ding-dong! Ding-dong! 429 00:18:41,638 --> 00:18:43,271 ["You'll Be in My Heart" by Phil Collins playing] 430 00:18:43,306 --> 00:18:46,908 ? 'Cause you'll be in my heart ? 431 00:18:46,943 --> 00:18:51,846 ? Yes, you'll be in my heart ? 432 00:18:51,881 --> 00:18:54,749 ? From this day on ? 433 00:18:54,784 --> 00:18:58,953 ? Now and forevermore ? 434 00:19:02,859 --> 00:19:05,927 ? You'll be in my heart ? 435 00:19:07,330 --> 00:19:11,032 ? No matter what they say ? 436 00:19:12,335 --> 00:19:15,937 ? You'll be here in my heart ? 437 00:19:17,106 --> 00:19:18,606 ? Always. ? 438 00:19:20,043 --> 00:19:22,009 [song fades] 439 00:19:22,045 --> 00:19:25,079 Turns out this place violated 30 different regulations. 440 00:19:25,114 --> 00:19:27,048 That's their reptile house. 441 00:19:28,785 --> 00:19:30,451 Don't worry, all the animals are going 442 00:19:30,486 --> 00:19:32,420 to an actual wildlife sanctuary. 443 00:19:32,455 --> 00:19:35,489 50 acres of perfect chimpanzee habitat. 444 00:19:35,525 --> 00:19:37,191 You may take our monkeys, 445 00:19:37,227 --> 00:19:39,293 but you'll never take our secret monkeys! 446 00:19:39,329 --> 00:19:42,029 Don't listen to my sister. There are no secret monkeys. 447 00:19:42,065 --> 00:19:43,798 Or secret tigers. 448 00:19:43,833 --> 00:19:46,334 Or secret tiger-monkey breeding facility. 449 00:19:46,369 --> 00:19:49,003 Wait. They're brother and sister? 450 00:19:49,038 --> 00:19:52,006 Oh, yeah. They found a circus bear cub in a trash can 451 00:19:52,041 --> 00:19:55,176 and devoted their whole lives to obsessing about animals. 452 00:19:56,446 --> 00:19:59,647 Your hippo dung showered another kid. 453 00:19:59,682 --> 00:20:03,317 Oh, sure, when he sprays feces with his tail, he's my hippo. 454 00:20:04,621 --> 00:20:06,554 [whimpering softly] 455 00:20:09,225 --> 00:20:12,927 You know, maybe Mr. Goodboy should go to that sanctuary. 456 00:20:12,962 --> 00:20:15,229 Yes, it's probably what's best for him. 457 00:20:15,265 --> 00:20:17,832 Oh, but I'm sure going to miss him. 458 00:20:17,867 --> 00:20:20,768 Kids, I know it's hard, but it's a parent's job 459 00:20:20,803 --> 00:20:22,336 to sacrifice anything 460 00:20:22,372 --> 00:20:24,906 to keep their kids happy and safe. 461 00:20:24,941 --> 00:20:27,141 As you've seen today, your father, 462 00:20:27,176 --> 00:20:30,678 as much as he loves his swimsuit area, 463 00:20:30,713 --> 00:20:32,680 he loves you more. 464 00:20:32,715 --> 00:20:34,682 -Aw. -Aw. 465 00:20:34,717 --> 00:20:36,384 -Ew. -Ew. 466 00:20:36,419 --> 00:20:39,220 ? Ooh, you'll be in my heart ? 467 00:20:39,255 --> 00:20:41,222 ? You'll be here in my heart ? 468 00:20:41,257 --> 00:20:42,657 ? No matter what they... ? 469 00:20:45,877 --> 00:20:47,645 [reptiles hissing, chittering] 470 00:20:47,680 --> 00:20:49,246 [whirring] 471 00:20:49,282 --> 00:20:53,250